Chapter 15
Noelle
After my talk with Sebastian, I can’t relax. My mind is spinning, and my heart is hurting as I search for Lucian. I find him sitting by the flowers in the garden. When he hears me coming, he shifts in his place and smiles.
But I don’t return it. I can’t. All I can think about is how his ex–rate died in childbirth. It’s so fucked up. Why hasn’t Lucian told me about Jurika? I know it might be a hard topic to bring up, but…I just feel as if I deserved to know about this before I had sex with him.
“I take it you’ve talked with my brother,” Lucian says, bringing me out of my thoughts.
I meet his eyes. “Reading my mind again?”
“Yes, because you looked like someone had died, he grimaces at his own choice of words, knowing damn well that someone did die, someone who was his ex–mate.
I sigh. “Why didn’t you tell me about Jurika?”
Lucian doesn’t even flinch or look upset that I know about the woman he was with before me. Good. That means he wasn’t planning on keeping her a secret forever.
“I didn’t find a good opportunity,” he shrugs. “I mean, isn’t it a bit of a mood killer if I bring up my dead mate right before we are about to have sex?”
“Lucian, this is more important than just sex and moods!” I snap, frustration beginning to boil over. “This is about a legitimate risk to my life! That’s not something you just forget to mention.”
He looks taken aback. “Risk? What are you talking about?” And then, realization dawns on his face. “Wait, has Sebastian been filling your head with his lies again?”
I close the distance between us. He is still sitting down, but I don’t join him. I just stand there, staring him dead in the eye before I continue talking.
“So it’s a lie that if I were to have your child, there’s a chance the baby would… would…” I swallow hard, unable to push out the gruesome details.
His face hardens. “That’s not a lie, but the chances of you becoming pregnant are extremely low. Fairies live for a very long time, and their fertility works differently than how it works for werewolves. It’s not impossible, but it’s highly unlikely
“But still, there’s a risk,” I insist. “No matter how small the chances are, I need to know these things, Lucian.”
He sighs, running his fingers through his white hair. “I understand that,” he says quietly. “And you’re right. I should have told you about Jurika and the danger… I–I just didn’t want to scare you off.
I hate how my heart clenches at how vulnerable he looks. I’m beginning to understand more and more that Lucian hates what and who he is. His fairy blood probably isn’t something he is proud of, but I still can’t let this go.
“I deserve to know the truth,” I say firmly
“I know,” he says and looks up at me. To tell you the truth, there are a lot of things you don’t know about me yet, Noelle, but I promise you that I’m not keeping things from you on purpose. I just…I just think opening up to someone takes time. And time is something we have, isn’t it?”
“To a certain extent,” I reply, my words imbued with a frostiness that surprises even me. “But if there’s a chance, however small, that I could die from bearing your child that’s not something time can just erase.”
Chapter 15
He looks taken aback by my harsh tone, and for a moment, guilégnaws at me. But I shake it off because I know I’m right. He should have told me.
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs. “I didn’t think-
“You didn’t think.“I repeat, my voice shaking from hurt. “That the problem, Lucian. You didn’t think about how this would affect me. You didn’t consider the consequences of keeping this from me.“
Lucian flinches at my words as if I had hit him.
Good. I want him to regret what he has done, and finally, I think the cogwheels inside Lucian’s head are turning. For a long moment, he doesn’t say anything: his face is unreadable, his eyes lowered to avoid my gaze. I watch him silently, my heart pounding in my chest.
Does he regret not telling me? Or did I push him too far by being harsh? Damn, that would suck. Sebastian wouldn’t hesitate to hit me if I went too far in lecturing him.
Is Lucian the same?
Suddenly, Lucian stands up, his height towering over me. He still won’t meet my gaze, though, but I can see the muscles in his jaw twitching, and I brace myself for a hit or punch.
But nothing ever comes.
Instead of lashing out at me, he says, “I’m sorry, Noelle. You’re right. I should have told you. I was… selfish. And scared.”
Scared?” I repeat, a bit shocked by an Alpha admitting that they are afraid.
“Yes, of losing you,” he says, placing a hand on my cheek as he continues to stare intently into my eyes. “I don’t deserve you! Noelle. I’m an ugly hybrid, someone who can barely control himself at certain times, but I want you. I crave you. I need
you.”
The possessive look is raw and devastating. But what scares me is that Lucian’s expression isn’t that of a man who loves me; back. it’s the look of a man who wishes to devour me. And when I see his eyes struggling to contain their green color. I step
“Lucian, is your fairy side taking over?”
“No,” he answers, but his answer is too quick. His pupils are dilating while a blood–red color is taking over the green. There’s even a light sweat on his skin. “I can control it.”
But his breathing betrays his words. It’s hard, ragged, like a wounded animal trying to retreat from an inevitable loss.
“Lucian…” I reach out to place my hand on his broad chest, torn between my desire to comfort him and the instinct telling me to run away from him.
A low growl ripples from his chest, and he backs away from me, making my hand fall from his chest.
“Stay back, Noelle,” he warns, his voice pained.
“Bur
“No buts!” He interrupts and brings a hand to cover his face as he grumbles under his breath, “Not again…”
Lucian stumbles backward, the backside of his foot hitting a rock behind him. His knees buckle, and he collapses onto the ground, clutching his head in his hands as if trying to keep some internal pressure from bursting out.
I stand there helpless, watching as Lucian struggles against his two sides. I wish I could do something to help him, but I’m afraid, terrified of the beast that lurks within the man I call my mate.
25%2
Chapter 15
But despite all this, I realize that I can’t abandon him now. Not when he’s vulnerable and unguarded.
“Lucian… Let me help you.”
“How?” He snaps. “I need human blood and-”
I interrupt him by taking off my clothes and tilting my head to the side to expose my neck. “Go ahead,” I tell him. “Drink for me if it will make you feel better.”
Lucian stares at me, and I don’t blame him. I must be crazy for offering him my blood, but a part of me trusts him, trusts that he won’t lose control.
I really hope I’m right.
