Chapter 5
The Kea to start dating apati
mini’ye in New York, Lauren,” the sider af
wat in a tonerafé neat the office. “The city is full of eligible pen, Ymcot smart, beautiful, and single. What’s stopping you?”
Tabundare coffee abendly, avoiding her pazë. “I’m not really looking for anything riotsight now.
“you’ve beenbere for months and haven’t gone on a single late,” she said, poloting her spoon at me like it was a weapon. “That’s practically a crime in this city. Humor me. One daer. It it’s
Hey milyonkaum wanhandfrjeist Belove (kericit, the halut up a profile for me in a dating app, complete with a picture she had taken in the after break room.
The first date was with a man named Theyrk. He mended in finance, lived in a sleek high new apartment, and spent the first lifteen minutes of our dinner explaining cryptocurrency de
lity is actually what makes it such an exciting investment opportunity,” he said, hiceyesightingup.
The peal of the de sa bling of him talong about his gymsumtine and his plans tolmy a y chi umeday. By the time the check came, I was counting the seconds until I could leave. Het hodethik again sometime,” Drork said as he walked me to the nudmur.
The motond date was slightly bein. Ethan was an architect with a diy sense of humor and a surprisingly ensuring
for crossword puzzles.
Wie min at a quim bookonave cafe, where we spent the evening trading stories about our favorite book. For a while, I forgot about everything else.
than asked. “So, when brought you to New York
The purine ought me att guard. “A job opportunity,” I said quickly
igomat,” he said, seedling. “Big change, though. Did you brave family behind’s
mynd facing to Ales: “Jason, I s
teun caned an e. “Mastve been a close friend”
“pah “Daud sotth. “We were
(press which I appreciated, but the conversation hasht
By the end or the night, I knew Ethos was a genuinely good guy. Dan when he leaned in for a kiss, I had my cheek at the end
voded, though Hhnew there wouldn’t be another time.
The date tied together after that. Each one was different, but they all ended them withing hollow and restless, “You’re being too picky,” Clasa said one afternoon at the office.
* Maybe I’m just new seady” Trepled
‘s been mostly, Lavien. How long are you going to let your past hold you back?”
S chasing something I couldn’t name.
hair was crisp, and the paths were lined with glowing streetlights.
dor mueting, after jet another uninspiring date, I found myself walking though Central Park. The air
nat vana levich near the fountain, watching couples strall by hated in harset.
For the fir ji fine is a bag time, I let myell think about Alex Brally think about him.
I thought about the
ecoultlight up a room, it may be always knew exactly what to say to make me laugh. I thought about the hilas
how seemed optraordinary in theek simplicity
manents that
srolled tamagh my photos nude used. It was from a road trip yra ago, taken at a gas statin the middle of. We were sig takkelly sound my shoulders.
ispered to the
The test nutting, I woke up determined to for so my Dating wasn’t
an, ander was dwelling on the past
hamading agen, waking up early to jog aking the ray streets before the ski came to life. I signed up for a photography class, something always wanted to do but never
can then man for thoughts of Alex
It was liom two years ago, alattar land was a photo being a sewn backpack, and tage led try serveri
My fingers hovered over the delete button, but finding pai
Cuated thechange in me at work
“The truth way, I didn’t feel lighten. If anything. I felt weighed down by the pralization that por matter how much i filed fodiatract impell, Alex’s presence lingered in every commened my
Every date I went in, every person Emet, felt like a pale imitation of what
had with him.
And yet, I know l
Ose pyrning, as I sat on my the escape watching the city lights, my phone buzzed with a text.
Hey, jint thinking about you. How’s the cy
My heart skipped a beat, followed by a pang of guilt.
I typeda iesponse, then deleted it.
twhispried to myself, “It’s time to let him |
Saying the words out found didir’t make them any easier to believe
(the first step toward munding uns.
The smell of coffee andheshly baked pastries filledde alcatuit at me usual spot in the cor net of my Ervitite café, a stack of work documents sporadost in front of me. It was my
Thad just taken a sip of my latte when the bellaves the doos gel. My yıllıkedup out at kahit, and my heart free mid–beat
He stood in the diseway, a little window to the bank New York weathers, hintak mat hanging spesovej his salt. His hali was slightly longer than remembered, and his persen
What washer done here?
Helsetrukduck behind my laptop or slip out the side doen, his open koondĮ mine.
Then, with that familiar, effantes unile, he started towan
*Latten,” he nalat, his voice warm and achingly familian. “Elin I think I’d run into pon here.”
Imuld say the came,” Eupplied, my vetor steater than I felt “What are you doing in New York?TM
“husiness trip,” he said, pulling out the chalı across from me without asking “Thad a meeting nearly andelenght Blgraka rodfee Didi’t expect to find you here.”
“Well, heie tam,” Esail, farring a smile
Held the papres in front of me “il the overachiever, huh?
“Just staying ahead of the game,” I replied, siding the documents into a neat pile. Filo’s everything back home?”
“Basp,” he said, leaning back in his car. “Welding planning to a lot.”
Trodded, though the mention of his wediting felt like a punch to the pu
He studied me for a moment, his brow furrowing slightly “You look good, Lqueen City Silo saks you!
Thanks. Tuld avoiding his gaze by taking another sip of my latte.
Silence hung between us her with unspoken word
“How long are you in town?” I asked finally.
*just a nuple of days” he said “But I’d love to catch up while I’m here. Maybe dinner
Daines. The word faded, fraught with implications I wasn’t ready to confront.
*Come on, Lauren,” he said, his smile softening into sing “is en montate diner. For old times sake.
Old Times As that phrase dich’s carry the weight of years of history between us.
imile widened, and for a moment, like nothing had changed
Wraged to meet the next evening at a small Italian emtaurant a few blocks from my apartment.
1 spertar too long getting ready, debating over outfits and second–gesing my decision go at all. t the time attend, Alex was already there, waiting at a table near the back “You made it,” he said, standing at approached
“Of course,” I replied, slipping into the seat ass from him
The tautant was cry, the low lighting and soft music creating an intimate atmosphere. Too intimate, I realized, as Alex’s eyes lingered on mine a moment longer than they should have We felt any conversation, talking about lin
‚ my new job, and everything in between. For a while, it felt like the old days–like we were just two friends catching up. But the underlying tension was impossible to ignore
( “5%, ” de saidalter our plates had been drated “How’s Life in the Mgcity?”
“Bay,” I said with a faint unde, “but pod M’4–diferent”
1 lærurated, swirling the wine in my class. “It’s laid to explain. I
The always lens good at adipting.” le seid, his voice soft.
His wood sent a pang through me, and I set my class down carefully. “What about you! How’s sophiam
His expression shifted, a tla let of something Fooshda’t quite place crossing his face. “the’s gool Bury with work and the writing stuff “
*Bonneth Like you’ve got a lot on your plain,” I said, keeping my time light.
“Teal,” he said, leaning back in hiria
*Il’iler.. weiwbebeing at times. ”
The vidneralalay in his more caught me off guard Alex wasn’t one to adodi to feelingsvesterlated.
chata the pockets of my cut, lying toward off the cl
İte beutated, his pace depping to the table. “Laban’t
The Breadly in larmowe hung between us, ut
As we walked as stated gaped and us. I showed my hand int
*Let par walk you loose,” Alex said, Fating into stop beside me.
Hyou don’t have to do that,” (und themigh i didn’t stop làm
*1 want to,” he implied simply
We walked in denen, the tiny bargaing arousal an
* man this,” he sakli suddenly, his vole cutting through the naise,
“Uh,” he said, his paze fired ahead. “Taling like this being around you
My heart enched painfully. “Alex”
I know,” he said quickly, turning to look at me know things are different now. But that it means you
I stopped making, forcing him to do the same “You can’t say things like that, alexch
“Because it’s not fait,” I said, my voice rising “Not to me, and not to Sophia”
Hotlinched an her name, but he didn’t look away.
Do you have any idea how hand this has been for mentined, the words spiling not before I could stop them. “Leaving, starting over, trying to move on while yo 1 broke ott, my chest heaving.
“Lauten_” His vore was soft, almost pleading
“can’t do this” it, shaking my head. “I can’t be around you and pretend everything’s time when it’s not.”
