Book 1: Chapter 18
His name is Aidan. He was the bouncer working on the door when I got to the Club looking for you. He took care of me that night and when I decided to perform to get the cash I need to move out he offered to take your spot on that seat. I’m quessing you remembered the song and most of the choreography from college.”
I could see he didn’t like that. Didn’t like the idea of any other man in his spot. Well too freaking bad!
“And the hoodie belongs to him. He gave it to me to keep me warm after we left the Club. I couldn’t face packing any of your clothes after seeing you fondling a stripper in front of me and I realised I don’t actually own any hoodies of my own. Only yours
1 I felt myself frown yet again at the thought that I spent so little money on myself these last few years while supporting Grant, that I didn’t even own a cute hoodie. Only his hand me downs.
“I bet he fucking loved playing hero that night. Fucking Bastard. Taking advantage of an innocent like you and you let him!”
I wasn’t sure why he thought he had a right to be angry but I wasn’t having it. For once I was definitely going to rock the boat.
I
“I’m warning you right now don’t you dare say anything negative about him or I walk out that front door! On the second worst night of my life, second only to when I found that my mum had overdosed, he took care of me. Him. Not you.” I saw him cringe when I said that. “He made sure I was safe while in the Club, got me safely to the apartment I’ve been staying in and even went so far as to order me groceries so I would be able to eat, so don’t you dare….
“Jesus Emily of course he did. You’re so naive. He wants to get in your fucking pants. You were rubbing all over him on stage in front of a room full of my colleagues. I have to work with those men and now they’ve seen you half naked. How the fuck is it going to look when you come to a Christmas party and they recognise you?”
Was this guy serious right now? He was worried about what his Finance Bros would think of his girlfriend stripping when they spent multiple nights a week watching women do the same thing, and far worse. He was delusional.
“I don’t actually care what you or your colleagues thought about me stripping. I had my own reason for doing it and I don’t regret it. On a night where you made me feel worthless, where you made me question why I wasn’t good enough I had hundreds of men throwing money at me. Shouting how beautiful I was, how sexy I was. Other men Grant, not you! I made over $3,700 in two minutes and that money means I now have a way to move out without having to add money worries to my list of problems.”
At the mention of me moving o
out his face blanched of all colour.
“You’re not moving out! We have our whole life planned out! You love me too much for you to throw away seven years together over one night. Where will you go? You don’t have anyone but me and don’t even own any furniture. Stop making this into more than it is. I know I messed up, but so did you by getting on that stage. I feel sick thinking of all the men who’ve now seen your body. You’re here telling me how good it made you feel and that makes me feel sick! The Emily I know wouldn’t want other men looking at her and telling her she’s sexy!”
I stared at him now. This man I’d loved for so long, and realised at no point in his panicked reaction to me leaving did he apologise. or beg for my forgiveness. He just reminded me that I only had him. If I left I’d have no one. That he was disappointed in me! The audacity of this man.
The thing he didn’t realise was that after a week alone with my thoughts Lwas okay having no one. I’d survive.
- You know you haven’t even apologised. You haven’t told me one true thing since I walked through that door and yet you say I can’t
leave you. That’s not how it works Grant.”
“Stop talking about leaving and I will answer all your questions. I know I’ve hurt you and I am sorry. Is that what you want me to say. I am sorry. So sorry that you were there and saw whatever you think you saw that made you throw away your morals but it’s definitely not
the end of us.”
I ground my
my teeth together so I didn’t lash out at his statement about my morals. I had to get the answers I needed to my questions. I couldn’t let him side track me any more.
Book 1 Chapter In
I stared at him without speaking and once he realised I wasn’t going to re–engage with him until he did as I asked he stomped to the dining table and pulled out the chair opposite me,
“What questions do you need answered. I’ll be honest and then we can talk about how we move forward together.”
“How many nights a week were you going to that Club?”
“I only ever went with Simon and the other team members. I want you to understand I wasn’t visiting the Club in my own time. Only ever for work. We usually averaged twice a week. Sometimes with new clients, other times with just the team,”
“Who paid for the drinks and lap dances you received?”
“Simon ran on account with the Club and covered all drinks and dances on the nights we had clients with us. On the other nights the team members took turns to pay. He said it was a team bonding expense and he had an accountant who could help us claim it on
our tax returns
I felt my temper flare at his answer
“So v
y ass off
off to clear our student debts. Is
you were using my money to pay for strippers to grind up on your dick while I worked my that night?”
“No Emily that’s not right. You know when I took this job I automatically started earning more than you make as a nurse so I made sure that all Club expenses came out of my earings. Never yours.”
“But
you had told me that your entire salary was being paid towards our debt each month. We agreed to live off my nursing salary while yours went towards our debt. Now you’re telling me you paid for strippers out of it, so your whole salary wasn’t going towards the debt. I was in fact paying, because that money didn’t go towards my debt or yours like you promised.”
“I don’t see it that way. I’m saying that I never once took money from our joint account for those work nights. I covered them. Did I take some money from my salary for this. Yes I did. But I only ever spent my money, never yours.”
“You’re deliberately missing my point. By spending any money that was meant for our debt, you were in fact spending my money. Because I was supporting you while you were lying and visiting Strip Clubs! I realised tonight I don’t even own any cute hoodies because all my money went towards our life.”
to keep
“Okay I can see why you think that way but please know it was never my intention. Every cent I spent in that place was to Simon happy so that I could stay in his team and work towards the kind of bonuses that would change our lives.”
Deciding to let the issue of money go b
go because we weren’t getting anywhere I moved onto the hardest part of it all. Roxy. “Did you always go into the backroom with the same stripper or did you spend time with others as well?”
“I only ever visited a back room with Roxy. And only on the nights that Simon made a point of me going. I never offered myself up for a back room visit, like some of my colleagues, even when he was paying. But I will admit I went into that room with her to avoid him becoming suspicious that I wasn’t actually happy with his bonding methods.”
“Were you having sex with her every time you went into the back room?”
“No I wasn’t having sex with Roxy every time I went into the back room with her. She agreed to lie to Simon if I paid her double the usual fee”
Staring at him while he spoke I noticed he couldn’t directly meet my eye. He was lying to me.
“You’re lying! I told you what would happen if you lied
He slammed his hand on the dining table and when he put his hand flat against the wood I noticed his hand was shaking.
“I didn’t fucking lie! You asked if I had sex with her every time we went to the backroom and I did not do that. I question
I answered your
It dawned on me what he was doing. He was lying by omission. I needed to ensure I asked the right questions or he’d gaslight me and I’d never get the truth and I needed the entire truth
Book 1: Chapter 18
“Okay Grant. Tell me this. Did you touch Roxy intimately? Did you kiss her or touch her in a way that you know would hurt me?”
He tipped his head back and stared at the roof for a good ten seconds before making eye contact with me. His hand lunged
across the table and grabbed hold of mine. I knew without him speaking what his answer was going to be.
“I need you to understand that I tried so fucking hard. I chose Roxy and stuck with her because she was willing to lie to Simon for me. Help me keep up appearances by inferring we were fucking when we were not. After a few months of only talking she seemed to become a little obsessed with me. She’d encourage Simon to request backroom dances even on the nights he hadn’t intended for it to happen.”
Obsessed with him? What did that mean? He took a deep breath and the hold he had on my hand became almost painful.
“Eventually she wanted more. She threatened to tell Simon she’d been lying all along. That we hadn’t done anything and that I’d admitted to her that his methods made me sick, She was going to blow everything for me. Blow up our future and I couldn’t let that happen. So we came to a new arrangement. I continued paying her double her usual fee and I… fuck… I don’t want to say this Emily. Don’t make me say this please.”
My heart was pounding. My worst fears were being confirmed and the tiny pocket of hope I’d kept in my heart that he’d simply watched these women take off their clothes flew away.
“Tell me.”
“You’re not leaving me over this. I won’t lose you over someone who means absolutely nothing to me. I won’t!”
“Just freaking tell me!”
We were both yelling and my stomach was rolling, a similar feeling to the one I had on that night just over a week ago.
“Fuck!!!! Okay fine. I touched her. To keep her mouth shut I agreed to make her cum. She would sit on my lap and I’d either finger her or rub her clit or sometimes she’d finger herself while I watched. But that’s all we did. I didn’t kiss her and I didn’t let her touch me “He gave a weird laugh. “And boy did she want to…”
“That’s all! You think the fact you only fingered a stripper is okay. I don’t even know who you are?”
“I’m yours Emily. I’m the only man you’ve ever loved and I know this sounds bad but I really did do it all for you. I wanted us to have enough money to get engaged like we planned, to buy our own place, and have the life we’d always talked about.”
“I don’t give a shit about a house. The fact you think I’d want you to stay in a job that required you to lie to me, finger strippers and then come home and touch me with those hands makes me sick!”
“I never touched you on the nights I’d touched Roxy. I wouldn’t do that.”
He now had both hands across the table. My hand was trapped in both of his. He was staring at me like he was the one in pain, not even seeing my pain. I realised I no lon
knew this man. When had he stopped being who I thought he was?
I laughed then. But it wasn’t a happy laugh, it was the kind of laugh you give when someone is being so ridiculous you just can’t believe their bullshit. I knew I needed to ask the final question, the one I was scared we’d never come back from
“Have you had sex with Roxy?”
The grip he had on my hand and the look on his face told me everything I needed to know.
